When the clock rang midnight last year, I was a bit relieved. For me, 2009 was My Year of Going Nuts.
I wanted 2010 to be The Rebuilding Year. A do-over of sorts. I needed to find my footing in the world.
Wishing you a fresh start and a great New Year!
I should point out that My Year of Going Nuts really started in 2008. In March of 2008, I began taking Lexapro for anxiety, and my svelte self that I had been working on during the past two years suddenly changed. The weight gain came quickly and triggered sleep apnea, which resulted in sinus surgery.
In July 2008, my birthfather Mike announced his esophageal cancer had returned. I knew the return of his cancer was not going to end well. You can’t work at a place like MD Anderson and not know these kinds of things.
By the end of 2008, I was in a funk over Mike being ill, and I’m sure I was eating for the both of us. Apparently a side effect of Lexapro for me was extreme carb cravings and a great deal of unconscious eating. All of that set the stage for 2009. If I wasn’t nuts already, happenings in 2009 would seal the deal.
Mike died in March 2009. I knew I needed help even before Mike passed away. About two weeks after Mike’s funeral, my friend Ellen and I were having lunch, and I told her that I made an appointment with therapist. “Oh, good,” she said. “We don’t need to have that conversation today.”
I was grateful to have such fabulous and caring friends who would tell me when it was time to get professional help. True friends will tell you when you really have gone crazy.
With my therapist, a new medication, and my friends, I muddled through 2009. I feel like I spent most of the time sitting at my desk or on my sofa just staring.
At work, we had some financial difficulties resulting in layoffs. I felt remarkably calm since I already had my tragedy of the year, and it was a good thing since I wound up comforting a great deal of people at work. I also wound up buying a house, a life-changing event providing a great deal of distraction.
I don’t remember the exact day, but I had a moment sometime in the fall of 2009 when I knew that I was okay. It was a subtle moment, a tiny recognition. The new version of myself had emerged from the cocoon. Maybe it explains why I became a bit more obsessed with butterflies.
I entered 2010 with new hope. It has been a good year. I started back at the gym, lost some weight, renovated the kitchen, started a new business, saw my oldest niece graduate from high school, welcomed a new baby niece, worked on an episode of “Hoarders,” reconnected with a couple of friends who were having their own rebuilding year, hosted Thanksgiving dinner at my house, thought about that future and vision thing (i.e. goal-setting!), and asked for help when I needed it.
There have been some downturns and bad days, but they were nothing compared to the good stuff.
I begin this new year and decade surfing the wind with my butterfly wings. Some people pick a word or two to describe their goals for the coming year. Last year was about rebuilding. This year, I keep stumbling onto the words “fearless” and “create.”
I wish for you to create the world you want and to do it fearlessly.
I wish you all peace and love for 2011!